Controversial Cheating Stories From People Who Can't Tell If They're Overreacting

From Redditor u/Academic_Study5487:

Early on in our relationship, my girlfriend (31F) and I (30M) discussed cheating. She was very against it, and so was I. She was more about being against cheating than I was, even. She felt that people who cheat don’t love their partners. I made the argument that... many people don’t want to be monogamous... But I agreed it was disgusting, and I think once cheating happens, relationships should end. Even early this year, my girlfriend had a drunk moment and basically said, “If you cheat on me, I will take everything from you.” To me, I don’t mind that; I think most people should have that mindset.

But at some point, it seems her take has changed. One time, we mentioned cheating, and I said that if she cheated, I would leave her, as I felt it was best. She looked at me, shocked, and even claimed I didn’t love her if I didn’t want to fight for the relationship, even stating she would forgive me if I did cheat. I called bullsh*t.

We left it at that, but this past weekend, we were watching a movie with domestic abuse. She wondered why women would stay for abuse, and I made the argument that it’s likely similar to why people stay with cheaters, and she said, “True, if you cheated, I would stay. I’d be upset and hold it against you for some time, but I’d stay because I love you.” Again, I called bullsh*t and made it clear that if either of us cheated, we should just end the relationship. I know us, and neither of us would ever get over it. But she acted like I was crazy to not want to fight for us. I love her, but I also know it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us to stay. This random flip-up has me feeling weird about it. 

She has said I’m the best boyfriend she’s ever had by a long shot. So I can see her not wanting to lose the best boyfriend she ever had over cheating. That said, the switch-up is odd to me, and plus, I’ve never met someone who was already pre-forgiving cheating. My girlfriend is strong-minded. I will admit she is the stronger character in our relationship. She’s gotten angry for less, so I just don’t see how she’d be OK with me cheating.

AIO for this random change of opinion?

From Redditor u/Sharp-Temporary-9003:

So my BF (34M) and I (27F) have known each other for about 2 years now. We have been dating for 9 months, and we currently live together (yikes). I kind of had a feeling he was cheating, but I couldn’t pinpoint why until I went through his phone. I found:

• A dating app (he said he has had it on his phone the whole time we were together, but hasn’t used it; he just looks at people’s profiles).
• An explicit video in his hidden photos... (it was sent via messages on December 29; I was sick with food poisoning). He said that he was showing the video to someone and forgot it was in his photos, so he just hid the video and then forgot it was there.
• A message he sent to his girl BFF saying how he met up with this girl at the bar on April 19th and how it was so hard not to f*ck her and that he needed to be put on a leash (his words, not mine).
• A couple of Snapchats to people we worked with (embarrassing).

When I asked him about this, he tried to leave and run away. Fast forward 2 days: I asked him why he hadn’t apologized for cheating, and he said, “The video? Why did you go through my phone?”

He left for a week on a trip already planned, and when he returned, I wasn’t home, and that pissed him off. He said I was supposed to be there and that I neglected him for 18 hours because I didn’t respond to him.

Two days after he returned, I had to go to the ER, and I asked him to come, and he said he didn’t want to sit and wait with me, but he’d come with me to the room once I got called. I was there for 5 hours by myself, and when he eventually showed up, I was already leaving. He said he was mad that I neglected him, so he didn’t want to come unless he knew it was a dire situation.

So now he says that he deleted all that stuff and that he couldn’t forgive me if the tables were reversed, but it’s something I could get over. Also, he hasn’t fought for me either. He keeps saying wait till he has some money, and then he can start fighting and being romantic. Also, our lease ends in September, so I think he’s only trying because I cook, clean, and do wifey duties. Also, he doesn’t want to get married, and I was willing to sacrifice that for him.

Help me. I’m losing my mind. Is he a narcissist?

Side note: He was there when my mom died, so I feel attached in some other type of way. He calls it connective energy. Maybe that’s playing with my head too.

From Redditor u/Downtown_Bee3446:

I am 32F; my husband is 36M. We have been together since 2013, and we got married in 2022. I had this Reddit account for stories I would click, and the link led me to Reddit, so I didn’t really use this app much. Didn’t even know much about it or how to use it. This is the only social media my husband had. Two weeks ago, I asked for his username so I could add him as a friend. I went to the bathroom and just started messing around on Reddit, and noticed I could see his comments. This man has been commenting all kinds of nasty, dirty sh*t to these Reddit chicks - several of them. Out of 22 communities he is in, 20 are explicit... The sh*t HURT me.

Small backstory. My husband is not an emotional creature. Never has been. But I am. I love love and affection, and telling him how wonderful he is. In 10 years, I can count on one hand how many times he has even called me beautiful. This has been an ongoing issue for several years. But he is a good man, and I felt like I could just deal with not having this type of affection from him because I do love him. We have kids together. Then I find this? You're giving those random comments I’ve been begging for to random women on the internet!?... And I’m not ugly by any means. So I just don’t get it. I don’t want to throw away our marriage and family over COMMENTS, but to me, it’s still cheating, and I am so hurt. I never expected this from him, and I just don’t know how to get past it.

Of course, we have talked, argued, cried - you name it. He says he was missing a spark and was hoping to find something and bring it back to us!? Get TF outta here! He never even gave me an opportunity. I had no idea there was a “spark” missing. But the thing is, he let this go on for 8 months or so. He didn’t find what he was “looking for,” didn’t bring any kind of passion back to our relationship, and everything remained the same. Still never communicated about missing a spark until he got caught.

Now he’s trying to be the man I’ve been asking for, but it’s forced. He’s doing it because he got caught and not because it’s truly what he wants to do. This is my first post on here, so please be easy on me.

From Redditor u/Turbulent-End-7905:

My (39M) wife (39F) and I have been together for 14 years, married for 11. I’ve been cheated on several times in the past, so I’m very sensitive to any behavior that could be construed that way.

My wife goes to the same gym 5 days a week and is always there when they open at 5 am. It’s a serious thing for her. I personally go 3 days a week, but to a different gym.

Needless to say, conversations have been struck up with her by various people for the last 5 years or so. One guy in particular, who is divorced and 15 years older, started being friendly to her a while back (not sure how long exactly). A conversation arose about a good lunch special at a steakhouse in town, and it became an ongoing thing: “You gotta try this pork chop,” etc.

Well, on Friday afternoon, she went to lunch with this gentleman, and then when she came home, she mentioned that her leftovers were from this place and that she went with a friend. She never said anything about a work friend, so I pressed a bit more for curiosity’s sake. She told me what happened and swore up and down that nothing happened, and she’s not interested in that way. I will say our marriage has had its ups and downs, but the ups were way higher than the downs. My wife has given me 0 reason in 14 years not to trust her; however, the circumstances are quite suspect.

What does everyone think?

From a former Redditor:

Help me know if I'm overreacting. We have been married for 10 years and are very happy with each other. We have 3 kids and are a normal, busy couple. Physically, we are together multiple times a week...

Here is the issue we have. My wife posts online in what I would call immodest outfits. She considers them fine. That discussion is for another time. She receives a lot of compliments from men when she posts. They are all clearly trying to flirt and get more from her. She engages in conversations and will flirt back, leading a lot of them on. She gets their numbers, asks them to show themselves, etc. She won't do anything for them, and then she ghosts them.

I found out about this last week when I noticed a notification on her phone. It was a guy who was asking what she thought of his "package." Sure enough, she had asked him to send a shot of that, and he did. Immediately, I thought she was cheating and confronted her. She then explained that that was the point at which she would ghost them. She enjoys seeing what guys will do for her, but claims that it isn't cheating. I can confirm that she isn't cheating, as I've gone through all the messages, and once it hits a certain point, she stops responding.

I'm not comfortable with her doing this. It feels like she is doing something wrong by leading these men on, but she says there isn't anything wrong with what she is doing. She claims that she is only having fun. How do I (you all) convince her that she is in the wrong on this?

From Redditor u/_Beep_Boop_Beep_Boop:

I have been married to my wife for well over a decade. One of her lifelong best friends (let's call her Sarah) has been part of our lives since we started dating over 15 years ago. Sarah was dating and married to what has become one of my closest friends (Mike), someone I hit it off with immediately and have considered like a brother for over a decade. Both my wife and I, and Sarah and Mike, have young kids who are all very close, and we've done life together: holidays, trips, camping, helping each other with house projects, school, BBQs - you name it. We're even godparents to each other's children.

Recently, Sarah confided in my wife that Mike cheated on her with another woman - someone who is a friend, but more of an acquaintance to us. It wasn't some distant past thing; this was recent, and she was blindsided. I’m absolutely gutted. I'm furious with him. Disappointed isn’t even the right word. I feel like something sacred was broken, and I've lost a friend because the friend I know would have never done this, and I'm struggling with whether I can look at him the same way again. I have proof that he cheated because Sarah showed my wife the inappropriate messages between Mike and the woman he cheated with (physical and emotional cheating), and my wife does not lie about things like this. She is a good person, mother, and friend.

My wife and I are doing everything we can to support Sarah and her kids. Right now, that means being there emotionally, practically, and giving her a safe space where she and her children feel loved and secure.

Here’s where I’m stuck: I want to cut Mike off completely. I haven’t told him this, but I’ve already mentally distanced myself. I haven’t confronted him yet. Part of me wonders if I'm overreacting; this isn’t my marriage, and people make mistakes, and there are always relationship dynamics that you are not aware of. But another part of me feels like I have a moral obligation to stand by Sarah, my wife, and our shared families, especially when trust and family have always been at the center of our friendship.

Is it fair to end a 15-year friendship over this? Am I making this too personal? Or is this a boundary worth drawing?