12 Relationship Fights In Movies That Made It Hard To Take Sides

Jesse's Side: Since rekindling their relationship, Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Céline (Julie Delpy) have had two daughters together and are now in their 40s and living in Europe. Jesse also has a son named Hank, who lives in Illinois with his mother, Jesse's ex-wife. 

Jesse thinks they should all move to the US so he can give his time and attention to all his children. The couple has lived in France long enough, so he feels it's fair to live in his native country for a while. Jesse loves his daughters, but doesn't want to be an absentee dad to Hank, especially because their relationship isn't in the best of shape to begin with.

Celine's Side: Céline has just received a dream job offer with the French government. She understands Jesse's desire to be around for Hank, yet also recognizes that moving to the US will probably end her career ambitions. She'll be forced into the “wife and mom” role, when having a family and a career is more her speed. The move would solidify Jesse's future far more than Céline's. The idea of giving up her ambitions means letting go of a big piece of who she is as a person.

Joel's Side: Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) and Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) argue about a lot of things in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The topic that underlies everything is their difference in personality. Joel is, by nature, a closed-off person. He doesn't like opening up to people much, in part because his head is filled with childhood and adolescent memories he can't bear to drudge up. 

This frustrates Clemetine, who wants him to be more open. Although Joel tries, he is who he is. Too much self-revelation isn't comfortable; keeping things bottled up is. He argues that her trying to pick his brain all the time will only push him away.

Clementine's Side: Clementine is described by Joel at one point as someone who talks too much. She's a firm believer that, for their union to thrive, he needs to trust her by opening up. Couples are supposed to have a sense of trust. If he isn't going to let her earn that trust, they'll be doomed (which, of course, the audience knows they already are). Even if Joel can't fully open up, Clementine believes they need to identify some kind of communication style that's mutually beneficial.

April's Side: April Wheeler (Kate Winslet) realizes that her husband Frank (Leonardo DiCaprio) is miserable in his job. He's fallen into a rut of domesticity where every day is the same, and his professional unhappiness negatively impacts his attitudes and behavior. She‘s more of a dreamer, having previously aspired to be an actress. 

Her argument is that they should chuck the stereotypical suburban life they’ve built for themselves in Connecticut and get away from what she dubs its “hopeless emptiness” by moving to Paris. Because “keeping up with the Joneses” hasn't brought them happiness, she advocates for trying something bold and new.

Frank's Side: Although Frank initially gels to the idea of moving to Paris, he changes his mind upon getting a promotion at work. When April gets pregnant around the same time, it solidifies his reluctance to pick up and leave. The life they've spent time building together is theoretically starting to pay off, so why ditch it? Frank decides that moving to Paris would jeopardize the fruits of their labor so far. With a higher paying gig and a new baby, he figures they can perhaps find happiness in the suburbs after all.

Pete's Side: Pete (Paul Rudd) and his wife Debbie (Leslie Mann) are both overwhelmed by life's responsibilities. He needs a little alone time to keep his sanity, so he sneaks off to do things independent of his family and marriage - such as participating in a fantasy baseball league and going to the movies by himself. 

Not telling Debbie wasn't meant to be an affront; it was merely him trying to decompress so he could be the best husband possible, without hurting her feelings. And going alone doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend time with her. Pete simply needed to turn his brain off for a few hours to focus on his own mental well-being.

Debbie's Side: Debbie is upset that Pete fails to recognize she's just as stressed as he is. By going to the movies solo, he took care of himself and dissed her. Going to the movies would have been a welcome break for her, too. By not even giving her the opportunity to join him, he put his sanity above hers. Going to the movies together would have let both of them chill out, while also enjoying time outside of work and with no kids around. Furthermore, he lied to her about what he was doing rather than being honest and working something out together.

Pete's Side: Pete (Paul Rudd) acknowledges lying about things, including the fact that he's secretly been lending his father money. In his defense, he says the only reason he fibs is because he worries about the “crazy-a*sed, illogical overreactions" of his wife Debbie (Leslie Mann). Other things he's hidden from her are that he's been taking Viagra for two years, his cholesterol is dangerously high, and he once gave their daughter an antibiotic when Debbie wasn't around. 

Pete's rationale for keeping secrets is that he knows the info would make his wife angry, which would lead to a fight, which in turn would lead to unhappiness for them both. Keeping his lips sealed is a way of avoiding drama and maintaining peace.

Debbie's Side: Debbie fires back that Pete's dishonesty hurts her feelings and triggers her, especially the issue about money. As a married couple, finances are something they're supposed to both have a hand in. Dishonesty in the marriage makes her feel like they're “business partners” or “brother and sister” rather than spouses. She mentions that keeping secrets from each other takes a toll on the passion in their marriage because it creates a lack of trust. Debbie would prefer Pete be open and honest with her, for the sake of their union.

Harry's Side: Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) doesn't think men and women can be just friends. “The sex part always gets in the way,” he says. Inevitably, one party or the other - probably the male - will start to develop an attraction. When Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) protests this idea, Harry insists that her male friends most likely want to sleep with her, even if she doesn't want to sleep with them. 

His point is that this undercurrent of sexual tension is always present, no matter what. He sums up his point with this insight: “No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.”

Sally's Side: Sally counters by saying that she has plenty of male friends and there's no sex involved in any of the relationships. She notices a contradiction in Harry's argument, which suggests that a man could be friends with a woman he finds unattractive. In her estimation, men and women can ultimately separate friendship from more complex relationship factors. Therefore, the idea that they could never be true friends is both reductive and dishonest.